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adopting selena gomez’s methods

All my dreams lately have had three main recurring components: people from my past, the general feeling of everyone being mad at me, and- stay with me- Hillary Clinton. The part I’m most concerned about is obviously the latter because I try to keep Hillary as a non-key component of my life. She lives in a repressed part of my brain along with all other “celebrities” that tweet one word and get 500K likes after disastrous world events. 

The only link I can see to all of this is the years 2015-2016, which is when Hillary was the expected president and I was in high school, constantly thinking people were mad at me. I always thought that eventually, all of these insecurities and teenage dreads would end- and they did. But, if that’s true, why am I having stress dreams about situations I haven’t thought about since graduation?

I’ve been a doormat my whole life. An eternal optimist, I was taught to treat people with kindness. The issue with teaching kindness is we forget the limitations of what and who is deserving of it. Yes, you should never put out negative energy- but you should not waste your positive energy. This is a concept I only recently grasped. I grew up treating people with kindness, but more than often not receiving it back. Okay, I thought, well Selena Gomez preaches Kill ‘Em With Kindness and she’s successful so I’ll do that. And so, the cycle began.

  Despite having a mother who literally advised me to “punch my bullies in the box,” I’ve never been great at standing up for myself in social situations. Elementary, middle and high school felt like they were competing for which could make me befriend people worse for me. And the little things, even at a young age, began to build. My fuse got shorter, lashing out over minute problems that barely deserved my attention. Suddenly, I was taking so much shit from the people I didn’t even know that well, and putting that negative energy on the people who loved me. It was a lose-lose, unfair trade both ways.

 And now, at 20, I find myself being affected by it still. The hurt that I brushed over for long catches up to me- I still have moments of lashing out over nothing, and I still feel extremely triggered by girls wearing chokers.  Because for so long, and even still, I have allowed so many people to speak down to me, without directly confronting them- particularly, in the moment.

 A comic once said to me, “Always prepare heckler jokes,” as every comic inevitably has their encounters with a drunken asshole. If you have the jokes prepared, it makes it easier to prepare how to respond. Even if you don’t use those jokes and improvise something else, at least your strength has been manifesting for some time. 

Fights, rude comments, even hecklers- cannot ever fully be “prepared” for. It’s about building up the knowledge, stamina and power to handle whatever is thrown at you- at any moment. I still haven’t achieved my goal of not being a doormat. I’ve found I struggle to confront friends more so than anyone else. While it sucks people around me have taken advantage of my doormat-ness, it’s also kind of on me to stop them, let alone not be around *those* people.

 I think that’s why this pattern has gone on for so long. Also, I’m not rich like Selena Gomez so “killing people with kindness” probably manifested in different ways for us. I know this now!

Here’s to the on going journey of self-love, one I’ve found the “unfollow” button on all socials helps a lot with!

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“pick me”

Let me begin with this: I blame men. I blame the rom-coms you wrote, the manic-pixie-dream girls you created, the image you invented for us to live up to. Que Cool Girl monologue. 

From what I can gather, the term “pick-me” girl comes from the Grey’s Anatomy monologue where she’s all “pick me, choose me, love me” and I guess that works? I’ve never seen the show but I assume both of these characters die at some point. Anyways. The urban dictionary definition is, “a woman that is willing to do anything for male approval. She will embarrass or throw other women under the bus to achieve this goal. The unfortunate thing about a pick me is usually the men they are trying to seek approval from are of poor quality and treat women badly, leaving little real benefit for the pick me.” Woooof.

Before I dig in, I want to emphasize the empathy necessary to dissect… whatever this term is. It likely comes from a place of insecurity, and as someone who is working through their insecurities(!!) I can confirm that it sucks and is a really hard thing to do. I also don’t love the term “pick-me” girl because it feels… sexist? Maybe it’s because the term feels like it was also invented by a man. Or because it’s caused by men. The person losing in a pick-me situation is always the “pick-me” girl. There aren’t many situations you can predict, but unfortunately, you can predict pick-me situations. 

High school was rampant with traits of the “pick me” urban dictionary definition – girls fighting over boys who weren’t even present during said fight, trying to seem “different” as if that makes you more attractive, constantly pitting ourselves against each other. And for what? Unwashed fools from Brooklyn, who don’t care about anything except Kubrick (but especially not you), whose only drive in life is swiping on tinder? WHY???!!!!! FOR WHAT BABES!!!!??? Never, not once, did it result in anything except for broken friendships and angry moms. In high school nobody could internalize that high school, but especially high school boys, do not matter. I excuse this time in a woman’s life, because when I was 15 someone could tell me I was pretty and I’d still find a way to think they were insulting me. It is so, so hard emotionally to be a teenage girl. Obviously, I wish that we hadn’t all grown up thinking the only thing that mattered was falling in love (so that we could be WIVES !! duh), but that’s America I guess.

The real issue for me, is how this behavior continues post high school. There’s no more 8 period days or a set grade of people you have to do everything with. This makes it easier (key word EASIER) for all of us to grow out of our insecurities, no longer attached to the person everyone knew us as from 14-18. Some people do not want to be disattached from who they were in high school. For some, high school is the image they want to maintain. And I think that’s where the serious problems begin- when people actively refuse to grow.

I see adult women on twitter shading other adult women on twitter LITERALLY all the time. The most recent one I saw was over a girl writing jokes about shitty men. Nothing else, just a woman (who is a comic) making fun of another woman’s (who is a comic) style of joke writing. But…. not in the way that you poke fun at someone. It was clear “shade.” The replies had many, many men piling on, as if they were vampires that’d been invited into the house by a Disney mom. THIS IS WHY “PICK-ME” is so dangerous. Female comics already have a tough time making vulgar jokes without being ostracized, so when female comics- for no reason- publicly attack each other- it enables the assholes who started this whole problem in the first place. 

The point I keep coming back to in my mind is that some people just don’t want to grow. And sometimes a side effect of that is throwing other women under the bus to make yourself look better. This is because of internalized misogyny, and coming back to the theme of it all…. Insecurity!!! If you or someone you know sounds like this description… there’s always time to come back from the dark side<3 I promise pretending you like IPA’s will not help you get the babies sooner. 

But also, please be nice to yourself because getting over insecurities is a biiitch and the first step is to start thinking highly of yourself. Take your time, it will take lots of it. I PROMISE it will result in a higher quality man than someone who won’t even have breakfast with you. Also, be nice to other women! I’m insecure and you don’t see me tweeting away at girls who didn’t do anything wrong!

And, for those asking why I hate men so much, clearly you haven’t been reading close enough because I feel I’ve made your flaws and how you can improve on them very clear.

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how to be a man: dating

This is Part 4 of my series How To Be A Man, By Me, A Woman

I’m sure you’re all tired of hearing the term “fuckboy.” But, for a brief moment, try and imagine how tired those subject to them are.

One of the big deal breakers of friendships is how understanding they are of watching their friends be screwed over by a fuckboy. It is one of the most unnecessarily time consuming experiences for both parties. Why? Because the person being screwed over has no answers and the friends only options are to either 1. Break the news that they are being fucked by a fuckboy or 2. Spend days coming up with other reasons it didn’t work out. Mostly, it’s a give-and-take mix of the two.

The idea that someone you’re dating can ghost, lead on, cheat, etc. without explicit reasoning- THIS is why fuckboys are such a topic of conversation. It’s all so confusing, or so obvious, that it is the friends duty to help dissect, interpret- or read it for what it is. 

If I were giving advice to whoever was on the receiving end of the ghosting, I’d say there were probably red flags they chose to avoid because they never got an explicit rejection. But, I am giving advice to you, men. So, here’s what you must do:

I need you to be explicitly clear with your partners. If you don’t know what you want, I mean most of the time I feel like there’s your answer, but if you’re committed to that truth, share it anyways. At least you said something. 

The issue with rejection is that nobody likes hearing it. So, often, even if men are doing the whole “I have too much work to date” thing, the receiving end doesn’t fully receive. Because you FOOLISH MEN follow those statements with forehead kisses and compliments and booty calls that have no end until we, the friends watching, are forced to intervene and shut a situation that has nothing to do with us down.

 Save the good friends around the world with actually committing to your truth. For example, if you say you “need to work on yourself,” and that’s really an excuse to stop seeing that person, don’t contact that person again. That weird, out of pocket “How are you?” you’re thinking of sending cause you’re bored and missing attention? Don’t send it. Refer to Part 3, where I advise those seeking attention to revert to thirst traps. Feeling hot never fails to help you feel validated in your subconscious insecurities.

Now, when you’re past the fuckboy stage, and going into dating territory, hopefully you know how you feel. Lock it down or go, don’t waste either of your times- and if you really don’t know how you feel, you’re probably not ready yet. Or haven’t found the right person. You must be ready to treat your partner like royalty. Ready to accept flaws, be there in the times of distress, never wavering your affection. If it’s the right person, this should be easy. 

It’s odd because although relationships are work, it seems the hardest part for many is making it to the title itself. Situationships rule this generation because people are greedy: they want romantic affection and intimacy, but without commitment. This selfishness is what coined the term fuckboy: because too damn many of you are thinking about yourselves. How are you going to care for another person if all you’re focused on is you? Self love is crucial, but there’s a fine line between self-care, selfishness, and narcissism. Sometimes, self care IS being selfish.

 But, self care is not ghosting someone who has done nothing other than give attention that, until a certain point, was mutual.

Use your words like a grown human being, and please, let the girls relax!

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,next

As with every new year, people make “resolutions.” But, with a year such as 2020, making resolutions is basically impossible? All my goals going into 2020 differ from 2021 in that before, my goals were limitless. I had the idea of getting a gym membership, or doing stand up every night the whole year. Now, my goals are “getting anything done” and “just passing.” 

If it weren’t obvious because I’m the kind of person who has a blog, I am the kind of person who loves NYE resolutions. I never, ever accomplish them but I feel as though I accomplished something in coming up with ideas of what I could do.

So, here is my list of things I will likely not indulge in, but would like to, in 2021:

  1. I want to be a yoga person. This was my resolution in 2018, in which I attended one (1) class and have yet to return.
  2. I want to be able to pick heavy things up. Achieving this means working out though, something I can’t do because I cannot afford a gym membership, but also because as a woman, working out around men is worse than not working out at all.
  3. Stop being a little bitch and be able to watch horror movies. Ever since I was little, I genuinely cannot watch horror movies. I am 20 years old and to this day if I watch a horror movie, it is all I will be able to see/think about (particularly around my boyfriend’s suburban house) for weeks after. It is a high risk, low reward scenario that I would like to overcome, particularly so I can watch genres beyond comedies and reality TV.
  4. Make more FRIENDS. Before, especially in college, it felt effortless to make friends. You’re constantly surrounded by people your age, who like similar things as you. Are every single one of these friendships lifelong? No, but that’s not the point of making friends. Now, having an acquaintance is almost harder than a close friend. Naturally finding people and connecting with them has become its own Herculean task. All my close friends in high school didn’t attend my school, I met them at parties or in big groups of friends. It was all so… before. I miss her (b4), I want her back!!!
  5. I am begging myself to not make another drastic hair change because I did *4* of them in 2020 and my anxiety cannot take that again.

I am hopeful- or not hopeful, I guess I’m really just trying to be optimistic about 2021. Realistic. COVID hit us like a surprise in 2020, at least in 2021 we know what this year holds in store for us. But, then again, I never thought a plague would actually take over the world in this day and age. We can’t predict anything.

But, we CAN have what we have every new year, something that we can always count on: our never addressed, but coming from such a good place, New Year’s Resolutions ❤

Happy New Year Babes!

Xoxo rubes

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how to be a man, by me, a woman: thoughts and opinions

This is Part 3 of my series How To Be A Man, By Me, A Woman

It seems as though when I post small sections of my blog on social media, men who haven’t read my full article see words like “sex” or “porn” and immediatley feel inclined to tell me their opinion. You seem to have missed the point; I have no interest in hearing your thoughts on the subject, just how you seemed to not care about mine, as you didn’t even read my full post. Which, if you would’ve, you’d discover I had actually addressed your “opinions.” 

Men do this often- it’s a way for them to feel they’ve done their “duty.” Their manly mission- “surely, everyone- particularly women- needs a man’s help!” 

This is the mental illness that is being a man- but, with therapy and lots of self-reflection, it can be cured. 

As a woman, in almost any setting, you are forced to learn when to speak. When to insert yourself. My mom raised me to speak my mind whenever I felt like it- but it’s not her fault that in rooms full of men, I am forced to be calculated.

 A man in a room full of women is free to feel like he’s in heaven. A woman in a room full of men has to acknowledge fear. 

Men are raised in a world that it appears they run. They can just get away with shit. But, in my world, the world I am trying to teach you, men, about- that’s not how it works. You must think like a woman- meaning before you speak, you must think. “Is this thought for me to say something, or is this thought saying something?” 

If you just want attention, do what women have trained themselves to do, a skill we’ve mastered- post a thirst trap. You can achieve your goal of getting attention without mansplaining. 

It’s not that your thoughts/feelings don’t matter, they just don’t matter to us. Have all the thoughts, opinions, rants- internally- as you want. But, some things don’t need to be said, particularly on the internet. 

Imagine a world where nobody had to be calculated- all thoughts completely unfiltered, off the cusp, improv-ing life. That would literally be the worst world ever. It is appropriate to read the room, to think about how your words impact it. Yes, I don’t understand how all men wear the same 3 shirts their whole lives, but I’d never ask them to their faces. 

Time and place, people. Time and place!

xoxo rubes

Part 4: Dating Coming Soon

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how to be a man by me, a woman: sex

This is Part 2 of My Series: How to Be a Man, By Me, A Woman

I want you to know that I don’t judge you for watching porn. What is Gen Z adolescence without having the internet at your convenience? But, I ask that you understand the consequences of your horniness, and consider living by these three new mottos:

  1. Porn is not my manual.
  2. I am not really great in bed, no matter what literally any woman has told me ever, it’s not true, I am not good in bed.
  3. What goes around (head) comes back around (head for her, too).

#1

Porn is a way for you to see your wildest, or not (no judgement!), fantasies in action. But, that doesn’t mean it should act as your guide, your handbook to fucking. Unless you have explicit consent, like really, really specific detailed consent, your chance of recreating those fantasies are slim to none. Although feminist porn exists, I’m going to assume that you don’t opt for it often, probably because it’s nearly impossible to find on the “main” porn sites. 

As a female, watching hetero porn can be difficult to near impossible, mostly because of the clear obsession with violence against women throughout each and every video. No check-ins, in fact, the more pain the girl seems to be in, the better. 

What is this obsession men have with seeing women in distress? To see women stripped down, vulnerable, terrified? 

Porn, whether or not you want it to, instills an attraction to violence in the mind of those getting off on it. And most of the time, it’s the mind of the young, puberty-struck boys who are just happy to be seeing titties at all. And as these toxic straight men grow, they continue their porn rotiune, however frequent it may be (and for some it’s…. Frequent. Again, no judgement!). And, even if they don’t like the violence, they still put up with it, because they need to get their dicks hard, etc. Routine gets instilled in us. What turns us on gets instilled in us. What happens when violent porn (so porn) is the main component in those two major mental states?

#2

Why do I demand you not be cocky about your abilities in bed? I don’t know you, how would I know that? Well, it’s because almost all men, even if they don’t say it out loud, think they are good in bed because they finish. 

But, what makes a man good in bed is not his ability to cum, but his ability to make his partner do the same. And, if you have made women cum, I promise you from the bottom of my heart, only half of the time did it actually happen.

The key to sex, yes, I know the true key !!! – is paying attention to your fucking partner!!!! That’s it!!! That is literally all that matters. If you simply listen, and try to appease whatever your partners needs or desires or fetishes (as long as everyone’s comfortable), THAT is what makes you good in bed. 

When you convince yourself that you are the ~~best~~ because you had a month where for some reason you got a lot of action, it actually makes you worse. You’re convincing yourself that you have the key, which you do not. Only your partner has the key, because only they can guide you there. Communication, bitches. It goes a long way.

#3

I feel like I don’t need to explain this, but I would like to take a moment of silence for every woman who has a 9 dick to 1 receiving head ratio. It’s more common than you think- some women’s ratios are worse. It’s so scary out there, and men attracted to women, you can change this ratio. You, yes You, can make a difference. It takes just 1 head to bump a woman’s ratio up. Make a change.

This holiday season, make a woman cum.

xoxo rubes

Part 3: Thoughts and Feelings (How and When to Speak) Coming Soon

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how to be a man, by me, a woman: rejection

This is Part 1 of My Series: How to Be a Man, By Me, A Woman

Select few men know how to hear this word, then internalize it: rejection. What do you do after a woman rejects you? Do you:

  1. Politely leave and don’t ask again.
  2. Ask if she’s sure.
  3. Call her a bitch.

Now, I know your impulse may be B or C. Most people, on the inside, can relate to rejecting rejection. But, the difference between some men and everyone else, is that the rest of us know what to keep to ourselves. Why doesn’t everyone want to hear everything I’m thinking though? Great question! Because, even though your mother made you feel otherwise, nobody cares what you think, especially the opinions you deem “hot takes” (hint: you are using the term “hot take” to say something really weird and deeply rooted in misogyny).

I’m going to say something scary: even though a girl is hot, she is actually totally allowed to never, ever date/fuck/marry you. But, how could someone reject me? This is another very relatable question you ask! The answer is: because they can.

What if, and this one is really intense, a girl is hot… and funny? What then? How does that happen? Or work? Even though random articles by incels may make you think otherwise, it’s actually entirely possible for this to happen. In this situation, you can refer to the paragraph above, and allow your ego to feel hurt. It probably needs it.

Such ego can be seen around society- intense fraternity hazing that borders between homoerotic and masacistic, our literal government, the fact that most rich guys are active pedophiles (see: government). Men publicly and proudly say and do these things- such as throwing their pledges in the Charles River- because they have been so deeply rejected otherwise, they feel as though doing this is a justification of their manliness. 

But also, because they can.

Although women “just can” reject men, there comes the aspect of rejection out of a woman’s control: a man’s reaction. Will he let his anger and confusion over his ego dictate the rest of his life? Or will he wisely reflect on his injustices- and grow from them? Men have a hall-pass, especially rich men, on how many fuck-ups they are allowed before there are repercussions. Their number? Infinity<3

You may notice the tone of this article- it feels a bit… condescending? Almost as if I’m acting like I know more than you, on a subject I know no more about than you. Now, imagine all men talking to you like this …. In almost every classroom, workplace, and social setting?

Would you go insane and try to pursue comedy, too?

xoxo rubes

Part 2: Sex Coming Soon

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why i need men:( to stop making period pieces

There is a difference between a man and a man :(. A man is fine, can have Temporary Rights. In entertainment, a man makes content that is non-threatening and knows what stories are/aren’t for them to tell and write (Anything Michael Cera, Star Wars, Curb Your Enthusiasm). 

But, a man : ( is different. A man : (, particularly a man : ( who has chosen the path of film, will likely (and not always) make three types of films: 

1. An art piece with a poem that has nothing to do with the visuals of nature (it’s in B&W). 

2. Perfect girl fixes boy who can’t do anything for himself. Takes place in high school, ofc.

3. They recreate Rick & Morty.

But, a select few Men : ( chose another path:

The period piece.

Personally, I think men : ( like writing period pieces because they think women are easiest to write this way. Their problems are obvious, and all the men cheat on their wives and the man : ( directors/writers/producers get to project for a few months. Take, and film bros brace yourselves, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, for example. Margot Robbie was in your cast and although she was amazing in the scenes she was in…. That was all she got? Personally, if I found out Margot Robbie was in my film, I would… give her more than just dancing or smiling and being nice? Despite the feet in the scene (which, we all know why they were there), the only scene I felt something above surface level in the writing of the character was when Sharon Tate watched herself on screen. It was an intimate, very sweet portrayal, showing a vulnerable but exciting moment for her character.

 When men : ( write period pieces, this is often the arc- women who are otherwise simple, having little “feminst” (???) victories, and carrying on. While the men get to fight, kill, work, be the worst cause it’s ~~~the past~~~, and we all love it cause it’s ~realistic~ and ~cinema~. Who directed Harriet? A woman<3 Who directed Little Women? A woman<3 Who directed Emma? A woman<3 Although these films were centered around women, even the supporting female characters have complexities, and multiple scenes that showcase their layers. I’m not saying we need all female period pieces (though I wouldn’t complain), but men : ( need to stop using time period as an excuse to break all film morals. Stop giving these rich people money and time to make projects centered around old white guys. Nobody cares!!! (Except, the films bros, of course).

xoxo rubes

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holding on to hope

I miss live comedy. So fucking much. I miss the feeling of community- for that hour, you and the audience are an ensemble, working through the night together. Or, being with my ensemble, my improv troupe, onstage, doing what we do best FOR people.

I miss being backstage, talking to other comics. I miss watching everyone’s sets from the sidelines. I even miss trying to keep myself energized till midnight, when my show began, a time slot I used to dread but would now do anything for. Like, FUCK do I miss that. I miss the energy of it all- being unafraid of bombing, because it’s happened enough times that it doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. It’s encouragement, an education- that joke wasn’t funny. Thank you, next.

And, my god, do I miss the feeling of being on stage. In a club, or a theater, hearing each laugh, cackle and under-the-breath “ha.” The rush of performing is a drug I didn’t realize I was fully addicted to- a high that cannot be recreated and can only exist in that space, at that time. I miss it all. So, so much.

The COVID cases in the US going up makes things worse- even the outdoor shows aren’t an option now. We’re back to square 1 (zoom). And that? Kinda sucks! My therapist always says to let all emotions out, then reel the negativity back in. So, here is me reeling my emotional moment back in (and also I guess giving advice to…myself!):

Chris Gethard recently put out a notes-app style statement about how quarantine sucks, but there are some really interesting artistic ways to look at it. He said that right now, we have an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. The open mic-ers who have been doing the same tight-5 for years can finally get new material. TikTokers can continue being themselves. Famous people make less money. In that way, the cup is half full.

But, beyond ourselves and individuals, we also have the chance to reinvent our community. Most of the theaters I performed at pre-COVID don’t even exist anymore. Not only is it a new decade, waiting to be defined, but we have the chance to build live comedy from the ground up again. An even better scene. We know it will be back. Of course it will. We will beg the trust-fund artist babies of NYC and LA, because we KNOW there are plenty to go around, to invest in us. Or, we will invest in ourselves. I’m already in debt, what’s a little more?

I love live comedy so much. There is nothing like it. And at the moment, we can’t have that. But what we can and will do decide what the humor of this generation looks like in action. And that, gives me hope.

xoxo rubes

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love story- your questions answered

Dear Ruby,

I keep getting screwed over by ugly fuckboys I don’t even like. Help<3

Ok. Story time.

The first time my boyfriend and I kissed, I fell hard. I literally almost broke my tailbone. I took one step and slipped, my bruises were the size of golf balls. But, somehow, I didn’t feel hurt at all. It didn’t matter- there was something more important going on. 

It was Halloween. I was dressed up as Maddy from Euphoria, naturally. We had spoken briefly at a party the weekend before- something that changed my mood for the whole week that followed. Which was unusual, given that the conversation wasn’t even that long or deep. But, I knew immediately after meeting him that something had changed. 

I arrived at the party, parked in one of those rooms that hadn’t quite decided what it’s lighting wanted to be. My friend and I were just about ready to go, when Pat walked in. I immediately started talking to him, signaling to the friend I came with that I am trying to make!! This!! Happen!! And we were off.

Something that was clear to me the whole time was that he also wanted to be talking to me. I didn’t feel as though I was forcing him to, or that I was talking too much. I felt comfortable- as if I wasn’t imposing. We spent the night party hopping together with a group of people, sticking with each other the whole time. The group settled on a house, and he and I stood on the front porch. 

Believe it or not, the literal c*ps pulled up in front of the porch, and told us to go inside (for what reason???? Who knows!). So, we snuck away to the back porch (this house and its many porches were a blessing). To our convenience, there was nobody on the back porch, but it was starting to rain. We stood under the barely present awning, talking about nothing and everything. Finally, he leaned in and kissed me. And that’s when, you guessed it, I fell flat on my ass<3 After that night, we hung out every day… and here we are 1 year later! 

If you read my book, you’ll know I’ve always had very little faith in men. A week before I met my boyf, I was on the phone with my mom, complaining to her that I was convinced I’d be alone forever. And, as someone who HATED when people told me not to search for love, that the right person would find me… they were kind of… right? I definitely turned a look that night, but I wasn’t actively seeking out anyone- let alone a whole ass relationship. But, then I met Pat! And that changed! 

If you’re feeling frustrated by your selection of romantic interests, that’s normal. Specifically in the case of straight men, most of them are frustrating, so your feelings are justified. But, magically, somehow- I did find the best egg. And it doesn’t feel like an option out of many- it is the person, the right person, period. You should not date someone because you want a partner, or because they’re the best that’s around. And you should DEFINITELY not date a fuckboy. 

Personally, I believe those interested in straight men should be weary of the following red flags: skateboards, beanies, interest in brands (Supreme, Bape, etc), anyone from New York, rich parents/lawyer parents (the two often go hand in hand) and men who identify as “moderate.”

 You should date someone because they make you feel loved. And if you doubt the person you’re vying for could do that for you, chances are they aren’t your person. Don’t try and make something out of nothing. It is a waste of your time. And when you find your egg, you will be so happy you did. I know I am<3

xoxo rubes