This is Part 4 of my series How To Be A Man, By Me, A Woman
I’m sure you’re all tired of hearing the term “fuckboy.” But, for a brief moment, try and imagine how tired those subject to them are.
One of the big deal breakers of friendships is how understanding they are of watching their friends be screwed over by a fuckboy. It is one of the most unnecessarily time consuming experiences for both parties. Why? Because the person being screwed over has no answers and the friends only options are to either 1. Break the news that they are being fucked by a fuckboy or 2. Spend days coming up with other reasons it didn’t work out. Mostly, it’s a give-and-take mix of the two.
The idea that someone you’re dating can ghost, lead on, cheat, etc. without explicit reasoning- THIS is why fuckboys are such a topic of conversation. It’s all so confusing, or so obvious, that it is the friends duty to help dissect, interpret- or read it for what it is.
If I were giving advice to whoever was on the receiving end of the ghosting, I’d say there were probably red flags they chose to avoid because they never got an explicit rejection. But, I am giving advice to you, men. So, here’s what you must do:
I need you to be explicitly clear with your partners. If you don’t know what you want, I mean most of the time I feel like there’s your answer, but if you’re committed to that truth, share it anyways. At least you said something.
The issue with rejection is that nobody likes hearing it. So, often, even if men are doing the whole “I have too much work to date” thing, the receiving end doesn’t fully receive. Because you FOOLISH MEN follow those statements with forehead kisses and compliments and booty calls that have no end until we, the friends watching, are forced to intervene and shut a situation that has nothing to do with us down.
Save the good friends around the world with actually committing to your truth. For example, if you say you “need to work on yourself,” and that’s really an excuse to stop seeing that person, don’t contact that person again. That weird, out of pocket “How are you?” you’re thinking of sending cause you’re bored and missing attention? Don’t send it. Refer to Part 3, where I advise those seeking attention to revert to thirst traps. Feeling hot never fails to help you feel validated in your subconscious insecurities.
Now, when you’re past the fuckboy stage, and going into dating territory, hopefully you know how you feel. Lock it down or go, don’t waste either of your times- and if you really don’t know how you feel, you’re probably not ready yet. Or haven’t found the right person. You must be ready to treat your partner like royalty. Ready to accept flaws, be there in the times of distress, never wavering your affection. If it’s the right person, this should be easy.
It’s odd because although relationships are work, it seems the hardest part for many is making it to the title itself. Situationships rule this generation because people are greedy: they want romantic affection and intimacy, but without commitment. This selfishness is what coined the term fuckboy: because too damn many of you are thinking about yourselves. How are you going to care for another person if all you’re focused on is you? Self love is crucial, but there’s a fine line between self-care, selfishness, and narcissism. Sometimes, self care IS being selfish.
But, self care is not ghosting someone who has done nothing other than give attention that, until a certain point, was mutual.
Use your words like a grown human being, and please, let the girls relax!