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how to be a man, by me, a woman: thoughts and opinions

This is Part 3 of my series How To Be A Man, By Me, A Woman

It seems as though when I post small sections of my blog on social media, men who haven’t read my full article see words like “sex” or “porn” and immediatley feel inclined to tell me their opinion. You seem to have missed the point; I have no interest in hearing your thoughts on the subject, just how you seemed to not care about mine, as you didn’t even read my full post. Which, if you would’ve, you’d discover I had actually addressed your “opinions.” 

Men do this often- it’s a way for them to feel they’ve done their “duty.” Their manly mission- “surely, everyone- particularly women- needs a man’s help!” 

This is the mental illness that is being a man- but, with therapy and lots of self-reflection, it can be cured. 

As a woman, in almost any setting, you are forced to learn when to speak. When to insert yourself. My mom raised me to speak my mind whenever I felt like it- but it’s not her fault that in rooms full of men, I am forced to be calculated.

 A man in a room full of women is free to feel like he’s in heaven. A woman in a room full of men has to acknowledge fear. 

Men are raised in a world that it appears they run. They can just get away with shit. But, in my world, the world I am trying to teach you, men, about- that’s not how it works. You must think like a woman- meaning before you speak, you must think. “Is this thought for me to say something, or is this thought saying something?” 

If you just want attention, do what women have trained themselves to do, a skill we’ve mastered- post a thirst trap. You can achieve your goal of getting attention without mansplaining. 

It’s not that your thoughts/feelings don’t matter, they just don’t matter to us. Have all the thoughts, opinions, rants- internally- as you want. But, some things don’t need to be said, particularly on the internet. 

Imagine a world where nobody had to be calculated- all thoughts completely unfiltered, off the cusp, improv-ing life. That would literally be the worst world ever. It is appropriate to read the room, to think about how your words impact it. Yes, I don’t understand how all men wear the same 3 shirts their whole lives, but I’d never ask them to their faces. 

Time and place, people. Time and place!

xoxo rubes

Part 4: Dating Coming Soon

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how to be a man by me, a woman: sex

This is Part 2 of My Series: How to Be a Man, By Me, A Woman

I want you to know that I don’t judge you for watching porn. What is Gen Z adolescence without having the internet at your convenience? But, I ask that you understand the consequences of your horniness, and consider living by these three new mottos:

  1. Porn is not my manual.
  2. I am not really great in bed, no matter what literally any woman has told me ever, it’s not true, I am not good in bed.
  3. What goes around (head) comes back around (head for her, too).

#1

Porn is a way for you to see your wildest, or not (no judgement!), fantasies in action. But, that doesn’t mean it should act as your guide, your handbook to fucking. Unless you have explicit consent, like really, really specific detailed consent, your chance of recreating those fantasies are slim to none. Although feminist porn exists, I’m going to assume that you don’t opt for it often, probably because it’s nearly impossible to find on the “main” porn sites. 

As a female, watching hetero porn can be difficult to near impossible, mostly because of the clear obsession with violence against women throughout each and every video. No check-ins, in fact, the more pain the girl seems to be in, the better. 

What is this obsession men have with seeing women in distress? To see women stripped down, vulnerable, terrified? 

Porn, whether or not you want it to, instills an attraction to violence in the mind of those getting off on it. And most of the time, it’s the mind of the young, puberty-struck boys who are just happy to be seeing titties at all. And as these toxic straight men grow, they continue their porn rotiune, however frequent it may be (and for some it’s…. Frequent. Again, no judgement!). And, even if they don’t like the violence, they still put up with it, because they need to get their dicks hard, etc. Routine gets instilled in us. What turns us on gets instilled in us. What happens when violent porn (so porn) is the main component in those two major mental states?

#2

Why do I demand you not be cocky about your abilities in bed? I don’t know you, how would I know that? Well, it’s because almost all men, even if they don’t say it out loud, think they are good in bed because they finish. 

But, what makes a man good in bed is not his ability to cum, but his ability to make his partner do the same. And, if you have made women cum, I promise you from the bottom of my heart, only half of the time did it actually happen.

The key to sex, yes, I know the true key !!! – is paying attention to your fucking partner!!!! That’s it!!! That is literally all that matters. If you simply listen, and try to appease whatever your partners needs or desires or fetishes (as long as everyone’s comfortable), THAT is what makes you good in bed. 

When you convince yourself that you are the ~~best~~ because you had a month where for some reason you got a lot of action, it actually makes you worse. You’re convincing yourself that you have the key, which you do not. Only your partner has the key, because only they can guide you there. Communication, bitches. It goes a long way.

#3

I feel like I don’t need to explain this, but I would like to take a moment of silence for every woman who has a 9 dick to 1 receiving head ratio. It’s more common than you think- some women’s ratios are worse. It’s so scary out there, and men attracted to women, you can change this ratio. You, yes You, can make a difference. It takes just 1 head to bump a woman’s ratio up. Make a change.

This holiday season, make a woman cum.

xoxo rubes

Part 3: Thoughts and Feelings (How and When to Speak) Coming Soon

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how to be a man, by me, a woman: rejection

This is Part 1 of My Series: How to Be a Man, By Me, A Woman

Select few men know how to hear this word, then internalize it: rejection. What do you do after a woman rejects you? Do you:

  1. Politely leave and don’t ask again.
  2. Ask if she’s sure.
  3. Call her a bitch.

Now, I know your impulse may be B or C. Most people, on the inside, can relate to rejecting rejection. But, the difference between some men and everyone else, is that the rest of us know what to keep to ourselves. Why doesn’t everyone want to hear everything I’m thinking though? Great question! Because, even though your mother made you feel otherwise, nobody cares what you think, especially the opinions you deem “hot takes” (hint: you are using the term “hot take” to say something really weird and deeply rooted in misogyny).

I’m going to say something scary: even though a girl is hot, she is actually totally allowed to never, ever date/fuck/marry you. But, how could someone reject me? This is another very relatable question you ask! The answer is: because they can.

What if, and this one is really intense, a girl is hot… and funny? What then? How does that happen? Or work? Even though random articles by incels may make you think otherwise, it’s actually entirely possible for this to happen. In this situation, you can refer to the paragraph above, and allow your ego to feel hurt. It probably needs it.

Such ego can be seen around society- intense fraternity hazing that borders between homoerotic and masacistic, our literal government, the fact that most rich guys are active pedophiles (see: government). Men publicly and proudly say and do these things- such as throwing their pledges in the Charles River- because they have been so deeply rejected otherwise, they feel as though doing this is a justification of their manliness. 

But also, because they can.

Although women “just can” reject men, there comes the aspect of rejection out of a woman’s control: a man’s reaction. Will he let his anger and confusion over his ego dictate the rest of his life? Or will he wisely reflect on his injustices- and grow from them? Men have a hall-pass, especially rich men, on how many fuck-ups they are allowed before there are repercussions. Their number? Infinity<3

You may notice the tone of this article- it feels a bit… condescending? Almost as if I’m acting like I know more than you, on a subject I know no more about than you. Now, imagine all men talking to you like this …. In almost every classroom, workplace, and social setting?

Would you go insane and try to pursue comedy, too?

xoxo rubes

Part 2: Sex Coming Soon

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why i need men:( to stop making period pieces

There is a difference between a man and a man :(. A man is fine, can have Temporary Rights. In entertainment, a man makes content that is non-threatening and knows what stories are/aren’t for them to tell and write (Anything Michael Cera, Star Wars, Curb Your Enthusiasm). 

But, a man : ( is different. A man : (, particularly a man : ( who has chosen the path of film, will likely (and not always) make three types of films: 

1. An art piece with a poem that has nothing to do with the visuals of nature (it’s in B&W). 

2. Perfect girl fixes boy who can’t do anything for himself. Takes place in high school, ofc.

3. They recreate Rick & Morty.

But, a select few Men : ( chose another path:

The period piece.

Personally, I think men : ( like writing period pieces because they think women are easiest to write this way. Their problems are obvious, and all the men cheat on their wives and the man : ( directors/writers/producers get to project for a few months. Take, and film bros brace yourselves, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, for example. Margot Robbie was in your cast and although she was amazing in the scenes she was in…. That was all she got? Personally, if I found out Margot Robbie was in my film, I would… give her more than just dancing or smiling and being nice? Despite the feet in the scene (which, we all know why they were there), the only scene I felt something above surface level in the writing of the character was when Sharon Tate watched herself on screen. It was an intimate, very sweet portrayal, showing a vulnerable but exciting moment for her character.

 When men : ( write period pieces, this is often the arc- women who are otherwise simple, having little “feminst” (???) victories, and carrying on. While the men get to fight, kill, work, be the worst cause it’s ~~~the past~~~, and we all love it cause it’s ~realistic~ and ~cinema~. Who directed Harriet? A woman<3 Who directed Little Women? A woman<3 Who directed Emma? A woman<3 Although these films were centered around women, even the supporting female characters have complexities, and multiple scenes that showcase their layers. I’m not saying we need all female period pieces (though I wouldn’t complain), but men : ( need to stop using time period as an excuse to break all film morals. Stop giving these rich people money and time to make projects centered around old white guys. Nobody cares!!! (Except, the films bros, of course).

xoxo rubes