I keep getting screwed over by ugly fuckboys I don’t even like. Help<3
Ok. Story time.
The first time my boyfriend and I kissed, I fell hard. I literally almost broke my tailbone. I took one step and slipped, my bruises were the size of golf balls. But, somehow, I didn’t feel hurt at all. It didn’t matter- there was something more important going on.
It was Halloween. I was dressed up as Maddy from Euphoria, naturally. We had spoken briefly at a party the weekend before- something that changed my mood for the whole week that followed. Which was unusual, given that the conversation wasn’t even that long or deep. But, I knew immediately after meeting him that something had changed.
I arrived at the party, parked in one of those rooms that hadn’t quite decided what it’s lighting wanted to be. My friend and I were just about ready to go, when Pat walked in. I immediately started talking to him, signaling to the friend I came with that I am trying to make!! This!! Happen!! And we were off.
Something that was clear to me the whole time was that he also wanted to be talking to me. I didn’t feel as though I was forcing him to, or that I was talking too much. I felt comfortable- as if I wasn’t imposing. We spent the night party hopping together with a group of people, sticking with each other the whole time. The group settled on a house, and he and I stood on the front porch.
Believe it or not, the literal c*ps pulled up in front of the porch, and told us to go inside (for what reason???? Who knows!). So, we snuck away to the back porch (this house and its many porches were a blessing). To our convenience, there was nobody on the back porch, but it was starting to rain. We stood under the barely present awning, talking about nothing and everything. Finally, he leaned in and kissed me. And that’s when, you guessed it, I fell flat on my ass<3 After that night, we hung out every day… and here we are 1 year later!
If you read my book, you’ll know I’ve always had very little faith in men. A week before I met my boyf, I was on the phone with my mom, complaining to her that I was convinced I’d be alone forever. And, as someone who HATED when people told me not to search for love, that the right person would find me… they were kind of… right? I definitely turned a look that night, but I wasn’t actively seeking out anyone- let alone a whole ass relationship. But, then I met Pat! And that changed!
If you’re feeling frustrated by your selection of romantic interests, that’s normal. Specifically in the case of straight men, most of them are frustrating, so your feelings are justified. But, magically, somehow- I did find the best egg. And it doesn’t feel like an option out of many- it is the person, the right person, period. You should not date someone because you want a partner, or because they’re the best that’s around. And you should DEFINITELY not date a fuckboy.
Personally, I believe those interested in straight men should be weary of the following red flags: skateboards, beanies, interest in brands (Supreme, Bape, etc), anyone from New York, rich parents/lawyer parents (the two often go hand in hand) and men who identify as “moderate.”
You should date someone because they make you feel loved. And if you doubt the person you’re vying for could do that for you, chances are they aren’t your person. Don’t try and make something out of nothing. It is a waste of your time. And when you find your egg, you will be so happy you did. I know I am<3