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holding on to hope

I miss live comedy. So fucking much. I miss the feeling of community- for that hour, you and the audience are an ensemble, working through the night together. Or, being with my ensemble, my improv troupe, onstage, doing what we do best FOR people.

I miss being backstage, talking to other comics. I miss watching everyone’s sets from the sidelines. I even miss trying to keep myself energized till midnight, when my show began, a time slot I used to dread but would now do anything for. Like, FUCK do I miss that. I miss the energy of it all- being unafraid of bombing, because it’s happened enough times that it doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. It’s encouragement, an education- that joke wasn’t funny. Thank you, next.

And, my god, do I miss the feeling of being on stage. In a club, or a theater, hearing each laugh, cackle and under-the-breath “ha.” The rush of performing is a drug I didn’t realize I was fully addicted to- a high that cannot be recreated and can only exist in that space, at that time. I miss it all. So, so much.

The COVID cases in the US going up makes things worse- even the outdoor shows aren’t an option now. We’re back to square 1 (zoom). And that? Kinda sucks! My therapist always says to let all emotions out, then reel the negativity back in. So, here is me reeling my emotional moment back in (and also I guess giving advice to…myself!):

Chris Gethard recently put out a notes-app style statement about how quarantine sucks, but there are some really interesting artistic ways to look at it. He said that right now, we have an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. The open mic-ers who have been doing the same tight-5 for years can finally get new material. TikTokers can continue being themselves. Famous people make less money. In that way, the cup is half full.

But, beyond ourselves and individuals, we also have the chance to reinvent our community. Most of the theaters I performed at pre-COVID don’t even exist anymore. Not only is it a new decade, waiting to be defined, but we have the chance to build live comedy from the ground up again. An even better scene. We know it will be back. Of course it will. We will beg the trust-fund artist babies of NYC and LA, because we KNOW there are plenty to go around, to invest in us. Or, we will invest in ourselves. I’m already in debt, what’s a little more?

I love live comedy so much. There is nothing like it. And at the moment, we can’t have that. But what we can and will do decide what the humor of this generation looks like in action. And that, gives me hope.

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love story- your questions answered

Dear Ruby,

I keep getting screwed over by ugly fuckboys I don’t even like. Help<3

Ok. Story time.

The first time my boyfriend and I kissed, I fell hard. I literally almost broke my tailbone. I took one step and slipped, my bruises were the size of golf balls. But, somehow, I didn’t feel hurt at all. It didn’t matter- there was something more important going on. 

It was Halloween. I was dressed up as Maddy from Euphoria, naturally. We had spoken briefly at a party the weekend before- something that changed my mood for the whole week that followed. Which was unusual, given that the conversation wasn’t even that long or deep. But, I knew immediately after meeting him that something had changed. 

I arrived at the party, parked in one of those rooms that hadn’t quite decided what it’s lighting wanted to be. My friend and I were just about ready to go, when Pat walked in. I immediately started talking to him, signaling to the friend I came with that I am trying to make!! This!! Happen!! And we were off.

Something that was clear to me the whole time was that he also wanted to be talking to me. I didn’t feel as though I was forcing him to, or that I was talking too much. I felt comfortable- as if I wasn’t imposing. We spent the night party hopping together with a group of people, sticking with each other the whole time. The group settled on a house, and he and I stood on the front porch. 

Believe it or not, the literal c*ps pulled up in front of the porch, and told us to go inside (for what reason???? Who knows!). So, we snuck away to the back porch (this house and its many porches were a blessing). To our convenience, there was nobody on the back porch, but it was starting to rain. We stood under the barely present awning, talking about nothing and everything. Finally, he leaned in and kissed me. And that’s when, you guessed it, I fell flat on my ass<3 After that night, we hung out every day… and here we are 1 year later! 

If you read my book, you’ll know I’ve always had very little faith in men. A week before I met my boyf, I was on the phone with my mom, complaining to her that I was convinced I’d be alone forever. And, as someone who HATED when people told me not to search for love, that the right person would find me… they were kind of… right? I definitely turned a look that night, but I wasn’t actively seeking out anyone- let alone a whole ass relationship. But, then I met Pat! And that changed! 

If you’re feeling frustrated by your selection of romantic interests, that’s normal. Specifically in the case of straight men, most of them are frustrating, so your feelings are justified. But, magically, somehow- I did find the best egg. And it doesn’t feel like an option out of many- it is the person, the right person, period. You should not date someone because you want a partner, or because they’re the best that’s around. And you should DEFINITELY not date a fuckboy. 

Personally, I believe those interested in straight men should be weary of the following red flags: skateboards, beanies, interest in brands (Supreme, Bape, etc), anyone from New York, rich parents/lawyer parents (the two often go hand in hand) and men who identify as “moderate.”

 You should date someone because they make you feel loved. And if you doubt the person you’re vying for could do that for you, chances are they aren’t your person. Don’t try and make something out of nothing. It is a waste of your time. And when you find your egg, you will be so happy you did. I know I am<3

xoxo rubes

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WELCOME!

Hi! My name is Ruby Karp and this is my website. I’ve decided that, instead of a starting a podcast, I’m starting a blog (which is actually the podcast equivalent of 2011).

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about change. I’m 20, and don’t identify with the person I was 1 year ago. When I run into old friends, I feel so bad, like, you knew me when I was that? My apologies!!! I guess everyone is ashamed of who they used to be, a version of themselves they’ve left in the past. I try not to think about it; my many mental health issues that weren’t being dealt with properly, how I projected onto everything and everyone, how I wanted so deeply to be liked, to be acknowledged. I was devoted to discovering these things- learning how to be the best version of me. A few years later, I have a better understanding of myself, my emotions, my self esteem. 

So, what now?

Where do we go after teen angst- after we’ve had our rebellions, worked out our feelings, left our homes for the first time. High school was about staying around long enough to make it out alive. Post high school, though, is different. College, or being a highschool graduate- is a beginning. There aren’t any more requirements (other than to survive). We do not have to wake up at 8:00AM. We do not have to be around the same 100~ people everyday. We control change. Until that control is out of our hands (hey, global pandemic!) 

I am a planner. I’ve had my life planned out and most of the time, I stick to that plan. So, my main job, stand up comedy, being taken away from me- that was not part of the plan. And so, we come back to our theme- change. How do I continue on without my thing? I do what I did in high school, what I do now, what I will be doing my whole life- I adapt to survive. 

So, this is me adapting.

If you’ve read my book (which, please don’t feel obligated to but also… please do), you’ll know that I *love* giving unsolicited advice, on topics I don’t fully understand. And so, that is what I will be doing here. Writing about experiences I have a minuet perspective on, in the moment, trying to help somebody somewhere. If you’ve got a problem, I want to hear it. And this time, for free!!! Hahahaha I’m so broke

So… welcome! Submit questions and I’ll give you answers. (submit https://rubykarp.com/contact/ here!) I hope I commit to this. I’ll post weekly (or if I’m going through it… probably every few days but those will just be me projecting).

xoxoxo rubes

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❤ buy my book!!